grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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