Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
