sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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