I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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