Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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