I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
