Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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