I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
