you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
