Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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