I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
