He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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