I need help removing her.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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