I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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