Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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