i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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