i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
