whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came so hard my ears popped.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
