addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
