he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
