Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
