I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
