All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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