2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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