I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
