Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
