y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
