Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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