We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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