I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
