Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
