some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunk walkin through police station. America
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
