Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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