We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The air was thick with penises
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
