Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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