You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize