Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
