She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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