**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
