Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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