im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My life is pants optional.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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