she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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