I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
50% drunk capacity currently
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
