I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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