ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize
