Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
