I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
