you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
