i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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