literally had 100 drinks last night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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