There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
