Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
