normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do vagina's smell?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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