he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
where are my eyebrows?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
