margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this will be a night to untag.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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