A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
