we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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