Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
