I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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