The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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