ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my god I love twenty year old dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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