It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
