We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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