well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
