If that was your dad, he is hot
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
