Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
