and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is it penis luge time yet?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
