Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
