I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
